I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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