dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
