was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Help. Why am I so naked?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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