dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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