is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I supernannyed him into submission
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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