Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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