you guys were way drunker than both of me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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