He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
