So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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