i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
