I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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