You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
