Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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