Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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