a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
