I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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