so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
