I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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