Plan B is the new Plan A
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
