We named our party play list daddy issues
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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