They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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