I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
