dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
