I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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