Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
