she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
