Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
