he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
did i just pee glitter
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
