I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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