Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize