I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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