Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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