also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
