cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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