I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
