i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
