I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
