from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
