Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize