captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize