I think my vagina is haunted
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
