i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
