you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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