Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
