i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize