She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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