His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize