I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
