my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
