Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
