there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
