oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize