the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
where are my eyebrows?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
