just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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