a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
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