I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
