I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
