im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
