If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
