Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
