Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He kissed a someone with a penis
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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