How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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