If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
