Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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