Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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