i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
